Her 27th Year

Negativity Sucks

2011-01-31T19:31:00.001-08:00

You know what I dislike more than tube socks and celery? Negativity. It is the bane of our temporary existence on this planet.

I know it's incredibly difficult to read this post objectively, but I urge you to try.

This a comprehensive list of things I do that helped create a more positive environment for me :)

1) Instead of complaining try to think of everything that is great in your life.

2) Try smiling at strangers instead of just passing them by.

3) Volunteer. Donate your time if you can't donate your money. Or, do both! You will see how a simple use of your time will completely transform someones world entirely.

4) Cancel your cable. GASP! Yes, cancel it. Try using your time for something efficient to help your friends or family. Spend time alone reading, reflecting or working out. Do something that doesn't involve you camped in front of the television with a beer and bag of chips. Gross. I promise you will feel more positive!

5) Find quotes, pictures, books, and sayings that inspire you. Then, surround yourself with them.

6) Figure out what it is that you love to do. Then do it. If you want to be an artist, paint. If you want to be a writer, write. If you want to be a dancer, dance. Do what you love.

7) Find happiness in nature. I know, coming from me that seems ridiculous...but it's a solid statement. When I'm surrounded by nature ( close enough to drive away from nature ) I feel inspired. I always want to whip out an easel and paint.

8) Learn something new. Take a class at a local college on photography or a foreign language. Obtaining new skills can help open your world to several new possibilities. Plus, it's fun :)

9) Watch a foreign film. It will make you want to travel to France. It doesn't matter where the film was based, it's always France. Then travel there and eat a croissant for me ;)

10) Last but most certainly not least, look in the mirror and tell yourself you're amazing. I know it seems ridiculous, but it works.

I hope this helps.

Stay Gorgeous ;)

Titled Renamed, Nothing

2011-01-23T21:00:00.000-08:00

Honestly, just let me have a moment.

People that are in love need understand that not everyone is currently in love. Puke. Not everyone gets to wake up next to the person they love every morning. Not everyone has another persons hand to hold. Not everyone has the emotional support of someone else. Not everyone is a couple. Not everyone wants that right now. I'm sorry if I'm not romantic or mushy. I'm sorry if I'm not outwardly affectionate towards those I care about. I'm sorry if my "love" is more of an internal thing. I'm sorry if I haven't resigned to settling down as of yet. Why is it that everyone is always worried about my relationship status? Do I ooze unhappiness? Do I need to be "in a relationship" to be considered human? What if I just haven't found someone that I'm ready call mine? Is that so terrible? Aren't I allowed to be a tad bit selective regarding the person I plan to spend the rest of my life with? Don't get me wrong, it would be nice to have someone to drink coffee with in the morning and force to eat healthy, but it's just not the right timing. I don't want to settle on someone who puts creamer in their coffee and snarls at me for being a vegetarian. It just can't happen. I have a fairly detailed list of things I'm looking for that I haven't found any one man to have. Okay, that's a lie...one guy is pretty dang close but that's always going to be complicated and it just seems like more heartache than what it's worth. One of my girlfriends asked me to write out a list of "must haves" I was looking for in a lover. I shrugged it off and then one day when I was sitting at a coffee shop I thought about what she said and I did just that. Three Starbucks napkins (front and back) later, my list was complete. I think I might be too detail oriented. Maybe that's an issue, who knows. My head hurts thinking about this....bartender, a shot of whiskey please! Actually, make it a double.

Until next time....

Stay Gorgeous ;)

Whiskey and Cigarettes

2011-01-22T19:12:00.000-08:00

At this moment...I could use...

A serious drag from a hookah pipe.

Whiskey on the rocks.

Red lipstick stains on my glass.

Fake eyelashes.

Gold stilettos.

The Cure and Madonna on repeat.

My girlfriends from Nashville, Phoenix, Florida, San Diego and Michigan here with me.

A dance party in my living room.

Lets make it happen.

Stay Gorgeous ;)

Oh, You Blog too? Wierd.

2011-01-21T16:54:00.000-08:00

Once again, I have to apologize for being notably absent from the blogging world. I've decided that when things get incredibly stressful in my life I tend to disappear from the things I love. Writing. Loving. Being Free. One would think that when I'm stressed I would want to write more. Sort my life out. Vent, if you will. WRONG. I don't understand why I have such a rough time expressing my feelings when I feel like I am living in a pressure cooker. Under normal circumstances I feel like I share too much. I blame my extroverted nature. Or my parents. They are quite extroverted as well.

My life has taken a curious turn of events in the past week...month...year. Whatever.

Remember that great job I left the ex for, packed up my life and moved back to Phoenix to take? Yeah, I was laid off. It's almost humorous. I am choosing to take the optimists approach and focus on what is good in my life. I live with my siblings, rent is cheap and they will feed me. I have the yearning desire to write again. I didn't want to write when I worked there. I had no creative spark left in me at the end of the day. The thought of writing seemed like a chore. It's like having homework every day for the rest of your life. Yeah, kind of like that except you can never get an "A" I'm healthy-ish. I have better friends than I deserve. I have money saved so I should be okay for a couple months while I figure out what it is I want to do with my life. Honestly, if I could keep my creative juices flowing I would love to settle into being a writer full time. Who knows, maybe this is the push I needed to finish my book. Free flowing creativity is not to be taken lightly. I need to harness this.

Speaking of...I am finally building a website so I can get off this horribly optimized blogger platform. It should be done soon, depending on how fast I decide to fill it with content. I'm struggling with color options. I need to find my power color but I want to stay away from anything super girly...I don't want to put off the men, you know? It's doubtful many men will find the content of my musings very informative or helpful, but you never know. They will read this if they know whats good for them. This is a very clear view into the mind of a woman. It's almost like a cheat sheet.

I've had an itching for an adventure. I have another girls cabin weekend coming up in February. Hopefully it will be as horribly dramatic and life threatening as the last one so I have something remotely interesting to share with you. I don't think I actually published the Honey Hole ( Yes, the actual name of our cabin ) post. I should probably post that so you guys know how close we came to being raped and/or killed. That death trip is really what catapulted me in to my love for blogging. It's super dramatic I am convinced is going to the the highlight of my book :)

Until then...

Stay Gorgeous ;)

I'm Not A Quitter...But, I Quit

2010-11-09T00:30:00.000-08:00

Please refer to Murphy's Law and Einstein's definition of insanity.

I'm A Bad Luck Woman I Can't See The Reason Why

2010-11-07T16:04:00.001-08:00

I'm convinced bad luck follows me.

Seriously. My friend Jacob and I went fishing in Sedona and the only thing we managed to catch were 3 sticks and giant log. Jacob won.

He actually mentioned that he has never not caught anything in the spots we went to. The fish would come up to the surface and make a 360 around our lines but never actually bite. It got personal. Fast.

We also managed to leave my flask at home and we lost my sunglasses and his visor.

If you haven't been to Sedona in awhile you're really missing out. It's absolutely beautiful. However, someone decided it would be a good idea to line the entrance of Sedona with several roundabouts. I think maybe they thought it would make traffic better or they wanted to mess with everyone. My guess, it's the latter of the two. The roundabouts make your drive worse. Much worse. Every 20 feet we had to slow down and go round-a-bout. lol. Near the end of them we just started laughing our asses off. It was really ridiculous how many we had to go through.

We ate at the Red Planet Diner. If you haven't been, GO. It is this amazingly terrible little diner that is decorated in an outerspace/alien theme. Fantastic? YES! The food wasn't amazing and Jacob made me order a cheeseburger and fries. I washed it all down with a chocolate shake. Then I had an "out of this world" stomach ache. (pun intended) We both felt that the diner was the highlight of our trip.

Sedona is a mecca for hippies and spiritual awareness. We were really interested in going to a vortex but when we read what we should experience while in the vortex's we couldn't help but burst into laughter. Lets just put it this way...unless you actually believe in aliens the vortex is not for you :/ ...or us.

I had a great day with my sweet friend. He's always been there for me no matter what and I feel blessed to have him in my life. Everyone should have a friend like him. Thanks for a hilariously great day, Jacob :)

Stay Gorgeous,

Emily

Title: Song Lyrics To "I'm A Bad Luck Woman" by Emiliana Torrini.

It's A Cruel, Cruel Summer. (Or fall, Whatever)

2010-11-07T15:27:00.001-08:00

Ok, so life is just flat out ridiculous right now.

My little sister is such an asshole.

Let me explain.

The bitch just gets out of a four and half year relationship and all of a sudden the hottest guy on planet earth professes his undying love for her. (did I mention he's a massage therapist?yeah...that's almost as awesome as dating a hair stylist)

WHAT.

THE.

SHIT!

Seriously. What is wrong with the world? Is my house not feng shuid enough or what? I swear. She better watch her back.

In all seriousness she definitely deserves to be happy. Her relationship with her ex was really over a year ago (if not longer) and she hung around because she felt she owed it to the relationship to try. I get that. I respect that. I hate her right now.

I date an emotionally unavailable guy for two years. I get randoms that like me for like 2 minutes, but never a guy who loves me that actually I love back. I swear I am so unlucky in love. I should really invest in some cats and knitting kit. I could probably make a lucrative career out of "Knitting Mittens For Cold Kittens"TM or something. Not like I'm doing anything else with my life. Nobody copy that idea, it's brilliant. You can expect and ESTY shop open within the year.

I don't get it. Really, it's cruel.

I'm happy for her but I hate her right now.

Stupid whore.

Next time you read this I am going to have a profile on Match.com and eharmony. I need to hit the online dating scene...and hit it hard. Hopefully I don't get raped and/or killed. I should really re-think that strategy. I will keep you posted.

Meanwhile, if you know anyone that has a cold kitten or an older brother that's divorced (or separated) let me know.

Stay Gorgeous,

Emily

Is it just me....?

2010-11-04T22:27:00.000-07:00

Or does this model have a wicked camel toe?

Forever21....seriously???

Monday Monday, So Good To Me...

2010-11-01T08:38:00.000-07:00

Good Morning, Gorgeous!!

It's Monday morning, and I'm not in a bad mood. As a rule, I am a morning person. However, Monday mornings, ew. They are in a category all their own. They fit somewhere between dental appointments and jury duty.

I hope everyone had an excellent Halloween! I know we did. We had an excellent time driving around to visit all of our friends at their fabulous parties. I did something completely unamerican and decided I didn't want to celebrate Slutoween this year. I'm fairly certain I am over it. All women retain a free pass to wear next to nothing and call it a costume on October 31st. I dared to try something different. My sister and I went as Sookie and Arlene from Trueblood. We looked fairly ridiculous. It was fantastic. Now I know why my stylist refuses to give me bangs. I'm convinced if I had gone trick or treating I would of been mistaken for a 12 year old. Not the best look for me. I had fun regardless. I got to hang with some ladies from high school I hadn't seen since we graduated. I was so elated to catch up with old friends. While we were catching up they played a game called Flip Cup in which I did not participate. Mainly because I was the designated driver. I must of been a terrible college student but I've never played this game nor have I witnessed this game in action. It's pretty amazing and I am certain I would be terrible at it. Hand-Eye coordination is not my forte'. Nor is chugging beer. I'm not a beer drinker. I like Irish whiskey and wine. The W drinks.

After the Halloween daze wore off my fabulous friend and I went to the State Fair (again) We had so much fun. We ate pretty much everything under the sun. Chili cheese dogs, a root beer slush, carmel apple, corn on the cob, orange fanta (spiked with rum from my friends flask, don't worry..we rode the ferris wheel just to empty the contents of the flask into the drink...no tiny humans were harmed in the process) chili cheese fries, chocolate covered bacon (I did not partake in the bacon, I've had it. Thoughts: Gross) fried butter and cheese curds dipped in nacho cheese. Our conclusion: When you start dipping fried cheese in nacho cheese it's time to throw in the towel. Unhealthy? Yes. Delicious? Absolutely. I start a rigorous work out routine today :/ We watched some seriously terrible ball room dancers, pet a cow which we were scolded for, clogged two toilets, took photo booth pictures, bought $30 sheets (which I'm certain I will regret), and played rigged fair games. I mean, really...those games set you up for failure. Someone should regulate that.

After the fair I went over to my brothers house to watch My Bloody Valentine in 3D and pass out candy to the tiny humans and their keepers. We were the cool house to go to because my brother purchased all king sized candies. I remember when I was nugget, word spread fast about which house had the good candy. We were that house last night. It felt great. Iron Man said we were awesome. So did the skeleton child. I agree with them. We are awesome.

All in all. a great weekend. I hope you all had a great weekend too! Here's to an excellent November!! *raises glass*

Stay Gorgeous ;)

Demo Me, Baby.

2010-10-27T20:54:00.001-07:00

I did something utterly redneck-ish and attended the demolition derby last Saturday.

I'm giving you a moment to be shocked.

Done?

Moving on.

Now, let me just get this out of the way early. IT. WAS. AWESOME.

...you may take another moment to contain your laughter.

Seriously, you guys. If you've never had to opportunity to watch the demolition derby live you must put it on your bucket list. Never in my life would I have considered this hobby as a form of entertainment. My favorite part is before the derby even began and this guy couldn't get his car started so he couldn't participate in the next "heat", "leg", "quarter" Frick, I don't know what they call it. Back to my story, in true redneck fashion he made a huge scene and threw his hat on the ground and kicked it with his dusty work boots. He threw his hands up in the air and blurted out a string of redneck-ish cuss words I don't dare repeat because my momma would kill me. I am lady after all ;) I mean, I feel for the guy but damn. Have some dignity. Poor loser? I'm unsure of the code of conduct for such an event. I mean, when you have a bunch of guys crashing into each other calling it a sport, I doubt an actual code of conduct exists. It should, but it's highly unlikely.

I feel like I need to end this post with a "Get er done!"

Stay gorgeous ;)

Em ♥

Well The Day Is Gone And I'm Moving On...

2010-10-27T20:24:00.000-07:00

....from the endless lessons that teach me to keep strong

Those lyrics resinate in my mind every time I feel defeated or I want to give up. Lets face it, life is anything but easy. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth and I know that the only thing that is going to get me where I want to be is blood, sweat, and martinis...errr wait, I meant tears. I think.

When I came to the conclusion that I needed to be the change that catapulted my life into a more positive place I knew it wasn't going to be easy. But, (can you technically start a sentence with a "but"? ) BUT, I held fast to the principle that I possess the keys to my future. I control how successful I am. Nobody can tell me that I won't be wildly amazing. Because, I am amazing. Seriously, you are too. Even on days when I want to empty the whiskey bottle and feel like the biggest failure on planet earth I have to tell myself "Emily, you're an amazing woman that can accomplish anything you set your mind to. Don't let them get you down. Oh, and you have a great ass" Imagine me staring at myself in the mirror saying this as my roommate walks by. lol. Whatever, I'm not proud. Or am I? I don't know.

My point is. Be the change you want to see in yourself first. Once you have yourself figured out everything else just starts to fall into place. And seriously, give yourself pep talks. I do, all the time. It works.

Stay gorgeous ;)

Em ♥

This Post Is Brought To You By The Letter "F"

2010-10-21T15:47:00.000-07:00

I was asked by a friend what blogs I read.

This is a list of my favorite blogs in no particular order.

The Frugal Girl - She just ended a series on Contentment. I seriously recommend going back and reading all of the entries. It is inspiring. She also has an ongoing series called Wednesday Baking, I love it. This amazing woman bakes from scratch for her family every week and still has time to share her recipes with us.

Love Maegan - Maegan is a woman living in L.A. that loves fashion, art, DIY, and her puppies. She is inspiring because she repurposes old pieces of clothing into new pieces. Like this skirt into scarf DIY.

Joy The Baker - Amazing recipes with a humorous undertone. I thoroughly enjoy reading her blog. Make these.

Noble Pig - OH. MY. GOSH. Comfort food with a twist! Pumpkin Carmel Bars With Bacon. Drooling.

Fashion Toast - Rumi loves fashion more than I've ever seen anyone love fashion. She travels the world and takes creative photos. It's a fun blog to read!

The Sassy Curmudgeon - She is hilarious. She blogs about everything and I wish I had her sense of wit.

Style Porn - She loves fashion and has a unique sense of style. I love her fascination with Sugar Skulls. I thought I was the only person this side of the border that was obsessed with their beauty!

I love a lot of things that start with the letter F.

Fashion

Food

Frugality

Fun

Fabulousness

Happy reading ;)

Disney Hell

2010-10-21T14:59:00.001-07:00

Mickey Mouse, we need to have a conversation.

My Sexy Professional and I went to Disneyland last weekend. It was a perfectly amazing overcast day and 84,000 (actual amount of people at Disney that day) other people thought so and that they would go too. It was astronomically crowded. During the fireworks we made friends with a family behind us who shared one dynamic observation: The "Cast Members" at Disneyland are rude. The Magic Kingdom in Orlando is SO much better. The cast members are a hell of a lot nicer. We witnessed two people being yelled at by cast members and then we were snapped at because apparently they were changing the flow of traffic and we didn't get the memo. We passed three cast members and not one of them said a word to us, but when we made it to "Big Bertha" (names are changed to protect identity and it's possible I forgot her name) she yelled at us. It was so completely uncalled for. I am extremely disappointed in the cast members at Disneyland. A little bit of the magic died for me that day.

On a positive note:

If you've never been to one of the Disney parks during the holiday's, you're missing out. In true Disney fashion, everything is 100% over the top. LOVE!

The Haunted Mansion was redecorated as The Nightmare Before Christmas.

I met Jack and Sally

I got to eat Cotton Candy

I played in Chip and Dales Treehouse

P.S. this is NOT made for adults

I met Aladdin

I got advice from the Fairy God Mother

She said I need a prince that is patient, kind, and not a mouse. Noted.

But mostly, I stood in line.

With a smile ;)

Judy Blume Goes Hollywood

2010-10-21T08:54:00.001-07:00

Okay, Sit down for this...

Judy Blume is FINALLY making a movie out of the book Tiger Eyes! She is a legend and I lust after her brilliance and level of success.

Go here to read about it.

I just purchased Tiger Eyes on amazon.com GO get your copy. . . they are selling out fast!

LOVE!

Stumble Upon

2010-10-21T00:23:00.000-07:00

I sprained my wrist.

The unofficial official story is that I hurt it sky diving.

The officially official story is that I hurt it opening a jar of olives.

I will let you decide which story is legit.

I personally thought if I ever hurt myself this terribly it would be from stumbling on, up, over, or under something. (including flat ground. It happens) I'm hopelessly clumsy. Ask my boss, he's seen me stumble almost everyday we've worked together. I blame it on vertigo. That's my unofficial official story. I'm not even sure I understand vertigo...it just seems like a legit excuse. Inner ear problem, anyone? No? And of course, because the universe loves to mess with me I sprained my right wrist. I'm right handed. Typing, writing, eating, and getting ready in the morning has been curiously interesting. The world is just not created for left handed people. I'm outraged. I don't know how people that are left handed deal. My Sexy Professional is left handed. Much respect, sister. Much respect.

Responsibility Is Subjective

2010-10-21T00:09:00.000-07:00

I wrote this awhile ago when I was still working for a cell phone company. I was going to submit it as a freelance article (after I quit) to consumers about their idiotic behavior towards cell phone companies...I may still, but I just came across it and thought I would share.

1)Please refrain from calling into a local store to discuss your bill. This is extremely irritating to the commissioned sales representatives whose time is money. This is why there is a customer service number provided to customers. Besides, there are at least seven people waiting patiently at the store for a representative to become available.

2)Do not…and I repeat, do not ask a sales representative to explain every single phone to you. There are at least 30 different phones on the sales floor at any given time and each phone is different yet the same. A blackberry is essentially a blackberry with minor differences like the megapixel of the camera or if it has global capabilities. Research your options before you come into a store and have some sort of idea of what you are looking for. Even if it’s a vague notion, perhaps you want a full keyboard? That’s a start. Expecting a detailed explanation of each phone is extremely time consuming and disrespectful of your sales reps time and to the other people attempting to wait patiently in the store. It is mainly your responsibility to know what type of phone you are looking for. Your sales rep can help narrow down your choices and get you the right device to fit your needs…but don’t expect them to be thrilled to spend an hour with you for you just to choose the free flip phone with no accessories and zero data capabilities. Sales rep get paid of accessories and monthly data charges and it’s costly for them to spend time with someone who is just interested in the basic phone but still wants a detailed explanation of every aspect of every phone. Get smart people.

3)Don’t get mad at your sales rep if you’re not eligible to upgrade. They have no control over this. They are not trying to ruin your day. In fact, this is just as disappointing to them because they aren’t making any money either. Sales reps have quotas to make and if you’re are not eligible to upgrade then they are not making any money. And get this, if you do throw a fit and are allowed to upgrade early, the sales rep is still not making money. You have to be out of contract for the sales rep to get credit for the sale.

4)Do you know why you are only eligible to upgrade every two years? Cell phones are expensive. Yes, that free upgrade you got actually cost the company $199. Cell phone companies loose money on their equipment every single day. This is why you are required to sign a new two year contract, they aren’t just going to give you a phone without some sort of assurance you are going keep their services. Stop complaining about the length of the contract or the fact you can’t upgrade whenever you want. Be thankful for the price of that phone. For example, Verizon Wireless sells the Motorola Droid for $199 with a two-year contract. That phone is $569.99 at the full retail price. Get over yourself. You got a killer deal!

5)Data plans are there for a reason. Why get a Blackberry or an iPhone if you can’t use the data services? The phone is a pointless novelty without it. $30 a month to access the Internet wherever you go, have instant access to your emails, the applications, and navigation is a great deal. That’s a $1 a day. Come on now, you spend more than that on coffee at Starbucks. Don’t whine to your sales rep about data packages, they don’t’ care. They have ZERO control over their price plans and data packages. Spare them the pity party. If you don’t want a data package then pick out a phone that doesn’t require it. IF you don’t like the phones that don’t require data packages then suck it up and buy a data package.

6)Pulling the “I’m going to switch services if you don’t bow down to my every want” doesn’t work. Give your sales rep a break. Frankly, they don’t care if you switch services. It has absolutely no negative effect on their paycheck. In fact, now they don’t have to deal with you. So screaming, yelling, threatening, and just being a jerk is only making you look like an idiot and they will have a laugh at your expense after you leave.

7)If YOU go over YOUR minutes why should the company pay for that? It’s not the companies fault you were irresponsible with your monthly minutes. Track you minutes, people. Most companies have a number programmed in your contact list that you can call that will let you know where your minutes are at for the month. Use it. Don’t call up and whine and cry because you didn’t use your head. Oh, and if you call Canada there will be international charges on your bill. “What do mean Canada isn’t free to call?” çseriously

8)If YOU break or lose YOUR phone why should the company pay for that? A manufactures warranty is only going to cover software issues. Don’t bring a damaged phone into a store and expect a free replacement. Warranties don’t cover stupidity. Most cell phone companies offer insurance. Sales reps don’t’ offer this to you for their health. Insurance is useful in situations where you’ve lost your phone or it is broken. And, don’t get mad at the rep behind the counter if you have to call to get a phone replacement. You broke your phone, you take the time out of your day to remedy the issue. It is not the reps responsibility to call the insurance company. If you crashed your car would you take it to the dealership and have them call the insurance company? No, you wouldn’t. Oh, and always have a back up phone just in case. Buy a cheap flip phone off ebay or craigslist so if your phone is stolen or broken beyond repair you aren’t out of contact.

9)That $56.70 data charge on your bill IS your kid downloading ringtones. Don’t lie to the rep or try and act like you shouldn’t pay for it. It’s virtually impossible to just create data charges on a bill, not to mention illegal. Cell phone companies have safe guards in place to prevent this from happening. Talk to your kids, the company knows they did it, they know they did it, it’s time for you to wise up and realize they did it. Block their downloads and web access. SHOCKING, take a deep breath. If they can’t handle the responsibility of having Internet access then don’t give it to them. Don’t expect your cell phone company to credit data charges and ringtones that your kids downloaded. This is parenting 101.

As you can see, it wasn't an easy or enjoyable job. People have no sense of personal responsibility. I'm blessed to have stumbled upon the job I have now. I was making quadruple the amount of money working at the cell phone company but I was so unhappy it was damaging my relationships.

Lesson: Do what makes you happy.

Strangers and Tequila

2010-10-09T10:06:00.001-07:00

I'm always amazed by the situations in which I find myself.

Last night I picked my sister up with my sexy professional because she's going through a break up and needed some sissy time. We were all in leggings and t-shirts because we honestly planned on drinking pumpkin beer and having a scary movie marathon in bed. Absolutely zero plans to be social. However, when you live on a golf course that has glow golf charity events not being social isn't exactly an option. We were walking to our door and several drunken men wearing glow in the dark necklaces and plaid pants (hot? Maybe) were offering us beer, rose tequila, and a ride on their "golf carts" Normally I would just say "No, thank you" and go inside, but my sister and sexy professional said I was boring. ME? I'm not boring. I'm rational. Didn't your parents ever teach you about stranger danger? Mine certainly did. I'm telling mom. Taking their opinion under consideration, I did what any rational girl would do that wants to prove a point. When offered, I took a swig out of strangers tequila bottle. Reflecting back on this it was probably not the best idea I've ever had for one of three reasons. 1) I could of been roofied. 2) They could of had the herpes of the mouth. 3) All of the above. When questioned why I would do such a thing I simply replied "You said I was boring!" I thought that was relatively daring and not something I would of normally done. I was momentarily proud of myself.

Later that night we discovered they were golfing for the Boys and Girls Clubs of America and raised over 300k. Drunken men in golf carts are fairly entertaining, mainly annoying, and freaking hilarious...but philanthropic men who care about kids = home run. (Like my spin on that?)

I learned two things last night.

1) I am opposite of boring.

And

2) Rose tequila is delicious.

Stay safe and don't drink out of strangers tequila bottles...you might just have fun ;)

Can I Just Have A Gaga Moment?

2010-10-07T21:26:00.000-07:00

I long for glamour and drama in my life right now. RED lips, dark larger than life eyelashes and feminine silhouettes. Life is mundane when there isn't a reason to primp and prettify yourself. I need to find justification for my impending extravagance. . . but knowing me, I won't wait for it ;)

Until then. . . day dreaming will do. My mom always said I was melodramatic.

Unlucky In Love

2010-10-06T22:31:00.000-07:00

Much to my embarrassment, I haven't posted in several months. Life has been beyond busy...which should be no excuse for an aspiring writer. I'm going to go ahead and file this under: FAIL.

Update:

I paid off ALL of my credit card debt. That was one of the first goals I set for myself this year and the one I am most proud of achieving.

New goal: Pay off my student loans in two years. I can do it. ( wish me luck )

I am single. No more ex...just me. I don't know if you are currently aware of this but I had a heart wrenching break up. So instead of healing I did what any girl would do and dated a couple of guys and then got back together with the ex that wrenched my heart. At that point I preceded to spend ALL of my time with my ex until I moved back to Arizona. The day we said goodbye...that was the saddest day ever. Well, not ever...but it was up there. Like when I was 4 and my family moved from Florida to Michigan and I left my Miss Piggy stuffed animal behind. That was rough. It kind of felt like that. But worse.

I digress.

I don't have a new goal for myself in the love department. I've been unlucky in love. I'm just going to live. I have far too many other things to direct my attention to. Worrying about men seems ridiculous. ( And there is no one I'm even remotely interested in, so that makes not dating a lot easier. lol. )

I was unhappy with my job. So, I quit! My job made me angry on 952 different levels on a daily basis. It wasn't healthy. I was effecting my relationships. I stopped going out with my friends (sorry girls), the ex never saw me in anything but pajamas, I stopped doing my hair ( seriously, I just bobby pinned it up everyday, ew ) I stopped being happy. I realize it's mind over matter, but seriously...when a man yelled at me to go F@CK myself because he dropped his phone in the pool and I couldn't give him a new one for free. . .it was time to reevaluate why I worked there. I never liked that job. I always felt like I was working for no valuable reason. I had no purpose. I have a great work ethic, but not when I'm being disrespected like that. People are insane and I just had to get out of that business. I pray I never have to do that again. I work for an excellent company now. It's a small business SEO firm and I'm in love. Check us out, www.SEORCHERS.com

I moved. I looooved Nashville but I was sick of having to plan long weekends just to see my friends and family. So I hopped on a plane and moved back to Arizona. I hate the heat but ima let it slide because I love the company that resides here.

( AND, Flagstaff is about a two hour drive. . . it's cold there. LOVE )

I had a lofty list of goals to achieve this year and honestly the end result to all of them: Happiness.

I realized earlier this week that I just want to be happy. So I'm working on that ;)

Local Honey

2010-04-19T17:50:00.000-07:00

I've might be dying. Literally. I woke up at 5 A.M. with a runny nose, coughing, scratchy throat, and watery eyes, etc. I am quickly loosing my love for the "fresh" spring air. I have been using the homeopathic remedy of brewing tea and mixing in apple cider vinegar and local honey. That appears to be working well but doesn't have longevity. I have to drink it every hour. I am sick of apple cider vinegar. I never want to drink it again. Too bad it's useful for curing just about everything. With that being said, I am going to go back to my misery.

Pollen Covered Patio Chairs

2010-04-12T15:52:00.000-07:00

As I sit here on my patio I am surrounded by an abundance of leafy green trees before me. The South is truly an oasis of natures beauty. Two weeks ago the trees were naked and just starting to bloom and now they are magnificently green. The ivy outside my patio is in full force and starting to wrap it's way up a nearby tree. Birds are chirping as if they are praising the sun for the much needed break it is giving us from the white winter we had here in Nashville. It was unremarkably cold and snowy and I am actually thrilled to be a bit hot as I watch the sun start to set. Pollen is covering everything. Nature is reclaiming it's place for the summer.

Arizona doesn't offer the changing of the seasons in the conventional sense. We have two seasons. Hot and hotter.

I'm going to miss pollen covered patio chairs.

Funny Things About Me

2010-04-11T17:48:00.001-07:00

I have never purchased my own coffee mug. Truth. Every cup in my cabinet was purchased as a gift for me :)

With that being said, I am addicted to coffee. Without confessing the benefits involved with caffeinated side effects ( which are amazing ) I am obsessed with the taste, texture, and smell. My favorite coffee is First Colony's organic breakfast blend. It's organic and fair trade. Two of my favorite qualities in any product.

Documentaries are phenomenal pathways for learning. Educate yourselves. I just watched an extremely cute documentary called "Paper Heart" I highly recommend it.

My current culinary obsession is perfecting my vegetarian chili "Chili A La Emi" ( patent pending ) and cream cheese frosting. Not to be consumed simultaneously. So far with my veggie chili I've decided that turmeric is the secret ingredient. . .turmeric to chili ratio is key, I haven't figured out that key yet. With my cream cheese frosting, well. . . that's currently a nightmare. . . I will let you know.

I don't like Youtube.com. Please don't send me links. I am going to be honest, it just annoys me and I won't watch them. Then I have to try and get through a conversation as to why I don't watch Youtube videos.

I am in ♥ with bookmarks. I am reading 6 books right now. ( Don't judge, my mind can handle it ) and I really enjoy marking the page with one of my carefully chosen bookmarks. My favorite is the one that quotes Ghandi "Where there is love there is life" It is currently holding a place in The Shack between chapters two and three. I am re-reading The Shack because it profoundly changed my life the first time around.

I Have Lost 13,458 Bobby Pins In My Lifetime

2010-04-07T18:36:00.000-07:00

This morning I had the most fantastic chuckle.

Like every woman I had the great hair debate while laying in bed. I knew if I popped out of bed when my alarm went off I would have enough time to actual style my hair. However, I knew if I wrestled with the snooze button I could get a good half an hour, five minute snooze cycles of sleep in. Now logically thinking about this I realize I didn't get any extra sleep at all, but in my mind I did. . .so, we are just going to go with my cloudy notion that I got to "sleep in." Back to my story. I knew if I slept in I would have to sacrifice time to do my hair. Every girl has her "I didn't do my hair today" hairdo. Mine is bobby pinning it in a messy slide bun. I love this hairdo because it literally takes 5 minutes from start to finish and I get a lot of compliments on it. I chuckled this morning because generally I put my bobby pins in a slot in my make-up bag, but this morning, much to my dismay, there were none in that beloved slot. Now ladies, even if we don't technically have bobby pins, we have bobby pins. I preceded to round up all the bobby pins I knew were hiding around my house. I knew there were 2 under my bed by the handbag I shoved under there a month ago. I knew there was one (maybe 3) in one of my purple Gianni Bini pumps with the bronze buckle. (I love those shoes) and last but not least, I knew there were at least 7 in the bottom of my black patent handbag . Bobby pins are inexpensive but undeniably invaluable. They are so priceless that women seem to stock pile them in random places so that we always have JUST enough to work for our hair that morning. We tell ourselves that after work we are going to buy some more so that we don't have to hunt for them while getting ready. . .but we don't. It seems silly, but we like the thrill of the hunt. Kind of like a Frat boy at a sorority mixer. I find pride in the fact that I know exactly where they are. Nothing makes you happier to save your morning then to find the 13,458th bobby pin you have lost. . . and now have found! So ladies, keep loosing those bobby pins. It helps keep life interesting.

The Smell Of Sunshine

2010-04-06T20:04:00.001-07:00

One thing I absolutely adore about writing is being free to write what I feel, what I think, and how I perceive the world. It's feels like that moment when you stand before an ocean kissed by the sunrise, you close your eyes while you are caressed by a light breeze and breathe in deeply. You smell freedom, which oddly smells of salt water and fresh linens when you are at the beach. Freedom has different smells really depending on the day. Some days freedom smells like lemons and fresh cut grass. Other days it smells like antique book bindings and my grandmothers rose perfume. Certain days, when the freedom is without boundaries, it smells just like sunshine. These are my favorite days. Days that smell like sunshine usually involve some sort flowing sundress, my favorite aviators, rainbow flip flops, a Dashboard Confessional marathon and a trip to a used book store. I live for days like this. They are few and far between. I think that's what makes them so exceptional.

Here's to more days that smell of sunshine :)

Tin Roof

2010-04-05T21:25:00.001-07:00

I need a night of dancing and drinking with The Favorites ♥ It's time to make some calls.

Going Home

2010-03-27T06:53:00.001-07:00

It was bound to happen.

I am moving back to Arizona in August.

I spent the last 7ish years running away from Phoenix and trying to find myself. Well, I've been found..and guess what...I'm completely different and exactly the same as I was before.

I've grown up but I haven't lost sight of who I am. That's what I set out to accomplish. I wanted to find a new meaning to life other than the small set of ideals I found while living in Phoenix. I wanted to explore the country, asses other options, and most importantly...find the strong confident woman I knew lived within me. I didn't think I could do living in the same place I graduated. Since graduation I lived in San Diego, Charleston, SC and Nashville. Each city brought out an element that I didn't know existed.

San Diego brought out a side of me I never want to relive. I found out who I DIDN'T want to be while living there. I was immature, irresponsible, drunk, but most of all...I was trying to be someone I wasn't. I wasn't proud of who I was when I lived there...that is why I left. I made a really great friend while living in SD whom I still talk to and whom I care for very much. She is the best thing that came out of my time in San Diego.

Charleston was interesting. Living in the South taught me respect and patience. People are slower here, they enjoy life and they aren't in any kind of hurry. I became more of a woman in Charleston because I was forced to grow up a bit. I made some great friends while living there. I found a new respect for the ocean and for nature in general. I learned to slow down. Charleston has so much culture and history and it spoke to me. Eventually though, I had to leave.

Nashville is where I grew up. I was forced to take a hard look at the life I was living and let go of the negative behaviors that handicapped me. I've made some really amazing friends here and I will miss them dearly. The Favorites are so much a part of who I am now...speaking of, I need to see them!

So, much to my surprise. . . I am coming home.

I really intended for this post to be profound. . .but it came from the heart.

To Feel Whole?

2010-03-13T20:14:00.000-08:00

Sometimes life doesn't quite work out the way we envision it. I see everyone around me getting what they desire and yet, I sit here, completely dumbfounded because I don't know what it is I want or how to acquire it. Is it time to grow up and figure life out?

I don’t know. This topic vexes me.

I do know that everyday I learn a little more about myself. Everyday I grow a little bit. Everyday I know who it is I am and what I desire to be. ( a writer )

I'm so completely different than I was a year ago, 6 months ago, 2 weeks ago. Maybe that's why I am not sure where this life is taking me. It's curious to me that everyone is settling down and I continue to be a free spirit. I see all my friends, new and old, getting married, buying houses, having children...and I am truly happy for all of them. I think it's wonderful that everyone is happy and content. It must be exciting to go through those stages in life. I can only imagine.

I am focused on my career, on myself, on my sanity ( at the moment ) Does that make me selfish? I mean, people stare at me like the anti-christ when I tell them I don't think I want to have children. Why is that a bad thing? Why does that make me a bad person? I don't think it does. I think it makes me decisive on at least one portion of my otherwise fickle life.

I guess I am just trying to be “whole” To feel complete. I am sick of the inconsistency, but it’s the inconsistency that I crave. Life is mundane. Without the incoherent or illogical thoughts that creep into my otherwise rational and stable mind I would be so disinterested in life.

I don’t really know where to go from here with this ridiculous rant. I assume I continue the tedious task of working on myself.

A Beautiful Mess.

2010-03-09T21:45:00.000-08:00

This song describes so much.

A Beautiful Mess. Jason Mraz.

You've got the best of both worlds
You're the kind of girl who can take down a man,
And lift him back up again
You are strong but you're needy,
Humble but you're greedy
And based on your body language,
And shoddy cursive I've been reading
Your style is quite selective,
though your mind is rather reckless
Well I guess it just suggests
that this is just what happiness is

Hey, what a beautiful mess this is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you write
Kind of turn themselves into knives
And don't mind my nerve you could call it fiction
But I like being submerged in your contradictions dear
'Cause here we are, here we are

Although you were biased I love your advice
Your comebacks they're quick
And probably have to do with your insecurities
There's no shame in being crazy,
Depending on how you take these
Words I'm paraphrasing this relationship we're staging

And what a beautiful mess, yes it is
It's like picking up trash in dresses

Well it kind of hurts when the kind of words you say
Kind of turn themselves into blades
And the kind and courteous is a life I've heard
But it's nice to say that we played in the dirt
Cause here, here we are, Here we are
Here we are [x7]

We're still here
What a beautiful mess, this is
It's like taking a guess when the only answer is "Yes"

Through, timeless words and priceless pictures We'll fly like birds not of this earth

And tides they turn and hearts disfigure
But that's no concern when we're wounded together

And we, tore our dresses and stained our shirts
But its nice today. Oh the way it was so worth it.

uncharacteristically Introverted.

2010-02-27T19:37:00.000-08:00

As you all know. I gave up complaining for Lent. Good Idea...in theory.

It has proven to be much harder than I originally intended.

This is the predicament I now find myself in...

If something is troubling me I can't quite grasp the difference between discussing and complaining. I've had some pretty burdensome things taking over my life and I haven't really communicated them with anyone because I don't want to "complain"...but I need to "discuss" some of the matters that concern me, right?

I am being uncharacteristically introverted, almost to a fault. My mind is completely preoccupied regarding the circumstances that surround me. I am fearful that if I engage in conversation I am going to start complaining. To prevent verbal diarrhea I am being cautious and restrained. I foresee that I will offend certain people that generally regard me as "wearing my heart on my sleeve." I promise, it's not you, it's me. It is not my intention to use that as a rationalization for the perception of my misanthropic behavior...I am simply attempting to articulate that I may be a tad introspective for the time being.

Any suggestions?

Chocolate Chip Cookies.

2010-02-22T18:24:00.000-08:00

My first recipe from my new cookbook was chocolate chip cookies.

Seems easy and simple...and it was.

This recipe calls for the zest of 1 lime...it added a lot of flavor that I didn't think was possible from mixing lime zest into cookies.

DELICIOUS!

I'm pretty pleased with myself.

What Makes Emily.

2010-02-22T08:42:00.000-08:00

This post is brought to you by the letter E.

I have a self-pleasing list on my Blackberry MemoPad of "things that make Emily happy"

Sometimes we just need a reminder. I tend to get overwhelmed easily so I reference this list whenever I need a pick me. It's random...kind of like me.

This a comprehensive list of things that make me happy.

Stephano. My sister. My best friend. ♥

Fingerless gloves ♥

The correct use of There, Their, and They're ♥

Cupcakes. (Or any cake for that matter) ♥

Dr. Travis Stork from the television show The Drs ♥

Sam Sparro's self titled album "Sam Sparro" ♥

More to come.....

Julie/Julia.

2010-02-21T08:21:00.000-08:00

NOT to steal Amy Adams Julie/Julia thunder...BUUTT, I have been wanting to learn how to bake like my mother. She's a pastry chef and can pretty much kick Little Debbie's arse. I look up to her SO much. I've mastered cooking..that's easy. Baking, on the other hand...as my cousin Missy puts it "It's too scientific" <---true statement. It amazes me how bread will rise. I mean AMAZING right? I like simple things I guess.

So...I bought this --->

Photobooth is lame and photos appear backwards but the title is "Sweet and Savory Swedish Baking" By Leila Lindholm.

I'm not going to bake something everyday like Amy Adams did in Julie/Julia. Mainly because I will go broke. Baking is expensive. I am, however, going to become phenomenally impeccable at baking and blow my mother away.

The first recipe...Chocolate Chip Cookies. Boring, I know. The recipe is asking for mainly organic ingredients and something called "demerara" sugar. Here goes nothin'

B.F.F.

2010-02-20T08:08:00.000-08:00

I've had some heaviness developing in regards to my friendships.

One friend I'm afraid to see...or talk to...it's weird but some stuff went down not really related to her and I'm afraid our friendship isn't the same since then.

Another friend and I realized we've had crushes on each other for 2.5 years on and off, but it's never been good timing and now we live 8 hours apart. For the sake of this blog we are going to call him Cute Starbucks Barista. He doesn't work at Starbucks nor has he ever been a barista but this name is hilarious for reasons as to which I cannot reveal. Since the day we met we've had a thing for each other. He had a girlfriend...then I had a boyfriend...then him and his girlfriend were on the rocks...I moved to Nashville....him and his girlfriend broke up...me and my boyfriend broke up...etc. He has always been there for me no matter what. He's a great person and one of my best friends. We've both toyed with the notion of being together but never had to opportunity to act on it. The 8 hour time difference has really put a damper on things. We both agreed that the timing is bad right now. I am working on myself and in no position to start dating again. He makes me smile. He keeps me laughing. It's effortless...Someday perhaps...but for now we agreed to keep it normal and casual.

The ex and I are trying to be friends. We are doing ok, ironically. We hung out with my Sexy Paw Print and her husband last night (they introduced us) and it was...normal. Nothing sticky or messy. We had a talk on the way home about some heavy stuff but it didn't seem "heavy". Our conversations are vastly different than when we were together. Somehow, our conversations have become meaningful. The content has become heartfelt and interesting. He's opening up to me more. Without the added pressure of being together our bond is slowly developing into a positive place to exist. Our little bubble that we created when we were dating was toxic...now our little bubble has popped and we can breathe again.

I wish that everyone came with an instruction manual. pft.

Sand In My Suit

2010-02-19T14:38:00.000-08:00

That is the name of my new gold toned O.P.I nail polish.

Clever.

Hooker Heels Mid Afternoon?

2010-02-19T13:35:00.000-08:00

Dear girl at the Green Hills Starbucks,

your 5 inch hooker heels look uncomfortable and you can't walk in them properly. Although, they are Prada, it's still no excuse to wear them to the mall. Please take note of this and next time dress accordingly. I am available for consults Monday - Friday. I generally don't work on weekends, but for you darling...I shall make an exception.

Thank you and have a nice day.

I simply don't understand why girls wear such uncomfortable day-time innapropriate clothing to shop in.

First of all...Who are you trying to impress? Men don't generally shop at the mall in the middle of the afternoon...and if they are there, honey, they're "fierce" if you know what I mean...

Second of all...Guys hate when women wear heels for mundane activities like shopping or breakfast on a Tuesday. Men don't want to hear your bitch and moan (well they want to hear you moan ... but for different reasons) about your feet hurting. I have an idea....save your man the trouble and wear flats! *light bulb moment* Two things happen when you do this. 1) your feet don't hurt. This makes your time much more enjoyable. 2) You don't drive your man crazy about your feet hurting.

Common sense ladies...

Unsettled.

2010-02-18T19:02:00.000-08:00

I am unsettled, my friends.

I feel like whatever it is I was suppose to learn in Nashville, I've learned.

I have a tendency to be a gypsy. I like the newness of life and when the newness has worn off and the dust has settled I tend to get bored. I'm antsy.

So now what?

I miss my family. I miss the beach. I miss the security of having my family nearby. I miss my friends in Charleston.

I miss Phoenix. I miss my sister. I miss my friends there. I miss my home town.

If I moved I would miss the inner circle. I would miss how amazing Nashville is.

3 separate life paths...3 separate outcomes...

Either way, I am going to end up missing someone.

I am going to try and listen to my heart...

So for now...

I pray...

Ash Wednesday.

2010-02-17T17:27:00.000-08:00

I'm not Catholic. However, I think it's necessary to give up something for lent. It's good to practice obedience and self discipline.

Lent 2010: Complaining.

Hear me out. . .

Instead of complaining about my problems I am going to find solutions. Whenever I want to complain I am just going to pray about whatever it is I am wanting to complain about.

That doesn't mean I am not going to speak my heart. (via this blog) I am just going to speak my heart and figure out the solution instead of just complaining about the problem.

I have to reprogram the way I think.

This is the point of my 27th year of life.

This, my friends...is going to be an interesting adventure.

2010-02-17T06:07:00.001-08:00

I just figure out how to update my blog via text message. That's extremely exciting. Have a great day everyone ;)

Black & Gold. Sam Sparro ♥

2010-02-16T20:37:00.000-08:00

Lyrics to Black And Gold :

If the fish swam out of the ocean
and grew legs and they started walking
and the apes climbed down from the trees
and grew tall and they started talking

and the stars fell out of the sky
and my tears rolled into the ocean
now i'm looking for a reason why
you even set my world into motion

'cause if you're not really here
then the stars don't even matter
now i'm filled to the top with fear
that it's all just a bunch of matter

'cause if you're not really here
then i don't want to be either
i wanna be next to you
black and gold
black and gold
black and gold

i looked up into the night sky
and see a thousand eyes staring back
and all around these golden beacons
i see nothing but black

i feel a way of something beyond them
i don't see what i can feel
if vision is the only validation
then most of my life isn't real

'cause if you're not really here
then the stars don't even matter
now i'm filled to the top with fear
that it's all just a bunch of matter

'cause if you're not really here
then i don't want to be either
i wanna be next to you
black and gold
black and gold
black and gold

Heavy.

2010-02-16T19:06:00.000-08:00

The ex came over to talk tonight.

It was extremely beneficial for us to work through some of the stuff that was lingering between us.

We went through SO much together...more than I've been through with anyone in my lifetime.

The details of all of the junk we went through will always remain sacred to our relationship. It was extremely heavy.

We hugged and cried (well, I cried) and we were able to work through a lot of things that cleared the way for us to try and be friends.

Here goes nothing....

Valentines Day Is The Devils Holiday.

2010-02-13T19:04:00.000-08:00

WARNING....USING CAPS FOR EMOTION!!!

This is how today went down.

My Sexy Pinata gets an Edible Arrangements from her baby daddy. Totally not jealous (<---lying).

My Sexy Sorority Sista gets a dozen roses from her man. Totally not jealous (again, lying).

Emily gets a beautiful arrangement of Lilies. My favorite. The card reads:

"Will you be my Valentine?! I hope you have a great Valentines Day! -Mr. VCB"

So....I am thinking...a peace offering? Yes?

I BBM Mr. VCB like an ass and say...

"Of course I will be your Valentine! Thank you for the flowers"

He replies:

"Yeah this is awkward, I sent those before we broke up and after last week I thought it wouldn't be appropriate to send them so I canceled the order, somebody must of screwed up and sent them anyway"

WHAT. THE. FUHHHH?!!!?!!!

I obviously feel like an ass...and I'm totally humiliated. I tell him I am going to send the flowers back and he said, AND I QUOTE, "NO, keep them, you DESERVE THEM."

UHM SCUSE ME...deserve them? Yes, you know what, I do deserve them....I deserve them, not only for putting up with condescending bullshit like that...but for also putting up with his ever present need to be involved in everyone's life BUT his own...for always having to rush after work to meet him at some lame event that LORD FORBID he miss because we all know he can't let his friends have fun without him (I'm convinced it's something to do with his childhood).

I threw them in the dumpster....I didn't even take them out of the box...I trashed them.

You know, I didn't even like him that much. I would have daily conversations with my Sexy Professor about the red flags I saw or the things he did that drove me nuts...I looked at her one day and said "You know, it doesn't sound like I like him very much" and she agreed...yet, I dated him. What's wrong with this picture?

Why do I do this to myself? I make myself like guys that I don't like because...why?

I haven't figured this out...the ex knows why...the ex freaking figured it out...I knew I kept him around for a good reason.

He said I am unattached but not cautious. Meaning....I am not cautious when dating a guy...I want to be loved...I'm human, every human wants to feel love...but I am willing to sacrifice what I want to feel that love....hence the NOT cautious part. I never feel an attachment because I don't even really like who I'm dating.

I am willing to look past red flags and things that irritate the living shit out of me to possibly feel that "love". <---not a good way to start a relationship.

I'm SO glad I'm on a Guy Time Out....I can't handle this crap anymore.

Just BE.

2010-02-12T07:23:00.000-08:00

When I first started this journey I was hoping to 1st find myself...and 2nd to find love. Now it seems that I have made more of a self discovery than I had originally thought.

Happiness is a state of mind. It's not something that comes easily. It has so be worked for.

I've always had a veil of sadness over my eyes. I let the melancholy blues sneak in whenever I thought my life wasn't going exactly like I planned it. I am extremely controlling which can make for a very disappointing life experience. Being controlling can be quite exhausting. I've decided to relinquish some of my controlling tendencies to high powers. I can't do this anymore. Happiness can only happen when you make the decision to just BE happier.

So I am making the decision to just BE happier. Just BE me.

Noticeably Absent.

2010-02-10T16:06:00.000-08:00

I have been noticeably absent from the blogging world.

I've had a few epiphanies about my life.

I need to take a serious breather from men. A full on GUY TIME OUT. I really liked Mr. Vintage Cowboy Boots but the second we made it official I was miserable. I realized that had absolutely nothing to do with him. I have a lot of things in my life that make me unhappy and nobody deserves to be with someone who can't even make themselves happy first. The added pressure of being in a relationship was just too much for me to handle. I never fully got over the ex and it was unfair for me to try and start another relationship when I am still trying to figure out why the last one ended. You can't love someone new when you haven't stopped loving the last person you were with. I thought diving right back into dating would be a good distraction..but the truth is, a distraction is the last thing I need. I need to feel things. I need to cry, I need to love, I need to hate...etc. I have no real feelings. I lack the ability to deal with emotions when it doesn't involve punctuation. Mr. VCB actually tried to have a really sweet moment and instead of embracing it I literally said "I have to go to the bathroom" and he said "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable" Really?! What's wrong with me? In my head I want the perfect man with the fairy tale relationship but I am so cynical about love and life that I prohibit myself from an amazing life. Break up after break up I thought it was always the guys I chose to date. The truth is...I AM THE PROBLEM. If my heart isn't healed and open to love then how can I expect "love" to happen. You get what you give. If I continue to put my negative outlook into every relationship I have, I am going to continue to get a negative outcome.

So what now?

Do I change? Yes, but slowly and with caution. I have always been what everyone has wanted to me to be...it's time to be me. Seriously, oldest "come to Jesus" moment in the book, but it's true. I have to figure out what I want, who I am, what I like, and what I dislike. I don't want to loose myself completely but I want to get to know myself completely.

So this is the beginning of my self-imposed Guy Time Out.

Oye vay.

It's Britney, Bitch.

2010-01-07T14:14:00.000-08:00

TODAY IS THE DAY! We are finally going to the cabin! HONEY HOLE!! It's been snowing here in Nashville all day and we have an impressive 1 inch of snow on the ground. Everyone is freaking out. I'm not concerned.

Last night Mr. Vintage Cowboy Boots gave me a present because I had a bad day. I've decided I am going to start having more bad days ;)

I'm going to start driving soon. I have my Britney, Christina, Kesha, Pussycat Dolls, Lady Gaga road trip mix. Lets hope we can make it to our cabin without having to call AAA.

Take Care.

Nothing Profound.

2010-01-05T06:03:00.000-08:00

I have nothing terribly profound to say today.

I have two more days of work until the HONEY HOLE! I love The Favorites and I can't wait to spend some time with them. I'm excited. You should be excited too.

I've decided I like red wine more than white wine. <--ironic.

I want to learn to cook the BEST lasagna. I'm going to work on that at the Honey Hole.

Red wine and Italian food. Yes, please.

Happy Tuesday.

Homecoming.

2010-01-02T17:11:00.001-08:00

Mr. Vintage Cowboy Boots comes home today! I have to go pick him up from the airport in about 20 minutes. Date number 4....here we come!

OCD.

2010-01-01T19:45:00.000-08:00

I just cleaned my entire apartment...minus the dishes in the sink. I hate doing dishes and frankly I am exhausted. It was only my intention to vacuum and wash my sheets but the inner Obsessive Compulsive Disorder didn't allow the laziness.

Have you ever tried to make a bed with a cat present? It's a tricky little game. She thought I was trying to play. She bit my hand while I attempted to put on the fitted sheet and attacked the flat sheet. I made the bed and in the end there was a cat shaped lump underneath the comforter. She found her way out much to the demise of the sequined pillow that was apparently in her way. Poor pillow, never saw it coming. It was my favorite. ( and cost way too much ) I shall go to the store and purchase another one tomorrow...and in the future remember to omit the cat from clean sheet day.

UPDATE:

I haven't spent any money for two days....TWO DAYS. This is the THE longest I've gone ever without spending any money. If you know me well, you know this is a huge step! I have a 401K that is stacked pretty well but on top of that I don't save...I spend...I've stopped doing that. Betsy Johnson had a huge sale and I walked past the beautifully crafted and very well designed store front.....I shed a tear and I may or may not of cursed.

You have permission to be impressed.

I Made The Right Choice.

2010-01-01T15:13:00.000-08:00

I had a tough choice to make yesterday....and I am certain I made the right one.

A choice between the old and the new...

A choice between the familiar and the unfamiliar...

I chose the new and unfamiliar.

7 more dates to go...

This Made Me Smile.

2009-12-31T23:55:00.001-08:00

From Mr. Vintage Cowboy Boots at midnight: "Happy New Year! Wish I could kiss you right now!"

I Learned To Be Alone.

2009-12-31T15:48:00.000-08:00

2009 was probably the most dynamic year I've had to date. I'm a completely different person than I was a year ago. In 2009 I became myself. Me. A woman. A lover. A fighter. A brunette. A friend. A sister. A daughter. A mystery. And, A writer. My goals changed. My personality changed. My outlook on life changed.

My relationships with The Favorites became more concrete. I love them. Truly love them.

I ended a romantic relationship that I was in last year. It stung. It was necessary. I am stronger than I ever thought I would be.

I learned to be alone.

I became a better employee.

I learned how to sew. (still working on that one)

I went to Disney World and realized what a rip off it is. I don't think I am ever going back. My next vacation will consist of clear water, white sand, a cocktail in a coconut cup (umbrellas optional), and a cabana boy named Juan.

I bought 8 work out dvd's. They are still in the clear wrapping. It's a work in progress.

I moved into my own apartment. I've always had roommates. I love alone. I love it. I will never go back to having a roommate.

I became closer to my parents. My dad and I have never been close but we talk almost everyday now.

I am finally getting the wardrobe I've always wanted.

I branched out of watching chick flicks all the time and have discovered some really amazing movies. I highly recommend "Away We Go" and "500 Days of Summer"

I rediscovered a few friends that I thought were lost. Thank you, Facebook.

I became a better cook.

I discovered that I cannot drink tequila, vodka, wine, and champagne in the same night. Ouch.

I learned to laugh more. And cry less. That's the point of life, right?

I'm ready for 2010. I am ready for a New Year. I'm ready.

Don't Text and Drive.

2009-12-30T20:47:00.001-08:00

Its like the ex knows I'm happy...and he texts me to ruin that happiness. Seriously, men? Seriously????

Not Your Typical Tuesday.

2009-12-30T17:46:00.000-08:00

I went out to dinner with The Favorites last night. ----------->

Let me explain who "The Favorites" are.

Sexy Southern Belle, Sexy Professor, Sexy Paw Print, and Sexy Bitch These are the four girls that make my world go round. I will be blogging about them often.

Okay, so back to my night with The Favorites.

We decided to go to dinner and then hit up Red Rooster...which ironically is the same bar Mr. VCB invited me to the opening of. So anyways, we walked in and it was like a ghost town. Seeing as it was a Tuesday we weren't that shocked. We shared a bottle of wine and were given free shots by the GM. The GM also gave us some party hats which you can see pictured aboce. It was pretty fun. Not your typical Tuesday.

Such A Tease

2009-12-30T17:44:00.000-08:00

Mr. Vintage Cowboy Boots text me this afternoon and said he may not being going to the concert and might be flying home to spend New Years Eve in Nashville with me.....

Yeah, that's actually not happening...he decided to stay in Houston.

Such a tease :/

Party of one? Anybody?

Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder...?

2009-12-29T06:16:00.000-08:00

Okay, So...Mr. VCB and I have been Blackberry Messengering a lot. Ironically, I'm not overwhelmed and/or annoyed. I like talking to him. I don't feel smothered. He doesn't feel smothered. It's pretty fun actually. Who would of thought? He said we just "click" <---cute! He says really sweet things to me. That's a completely new thing for me. Last night he said the following things that made me blush.

About New Years Eve (Private Eagles concert in Houston...*rolls eyes*)

"I really wish you were going to be there :("

Not all of us get two weeks off for the Christmas/New Years holiday...I have to work otherwise I would be there.

About getting back to Nashville

"I'm so ready to get back to working out, work, friends, and you....Not in that particular order"

I think what he said is sweet. I guess I am easy to please now that I am re-reading. He shocks me because when I first met him I thought he was kind of self centered. My Sexy Bitch of a friend (I'm not using real names) claimed he was a great guy. She is pretty picky about who she associates herself with (not in a bad way, she's good people) so I was determined to see what she saw in him. I get it now.

On a funnier note. He is a big Longhorns fan (that's where he went to college) and invited me to go watch the Alabama/Texas game on Thursday of next week. He said "The bcs national championship...Alabama vs. Texas...huge game...will probably go somewhere to watch it, I know you're a huge football fan, BUT, I was hoping you'd come watch it with all of us....and root for Texas :)" There are 934 things wrong with that run-on of a sentence.

Number 1: My Sexy Southern Belle and her Husband are HUGE Alabama fans. AND my Sexy Professor (a girl) is from Alabama. SOOO....what now? Do I just dismiss my loyalty to them?

Number 2: I am most definitely NOT a huge football fan. I leave that to my Sexy Professional (also a girl) in Scottsdale. Which reminds me, I need to go visit her. She's more of Steelers fan than anything though, so I don't have any issues regarding this particular game with her.

Number 3: I won't be in town on Thursday. My girls and I are going on a girls weekend. SO, you're on your own Mr. Vintage Cowboy Boots. Sorry *shrugs shoulders*

Texts From Last Night

2009-12-27T06:26:00.000-08:00

My parent's left this morning. As crowded as it is with 3 adults, 2 puppies, and 1 cat in my little apartment I am always sad to see them go home. There is something about the safeness and security of having your parents around that can't be duplicated. :(

On a funnier note. Apparently something I said was textsfromlastnight.com worthy. What I said and why I said it with remain untyped as it is completely inappropriate ;)

Blackberry Messenger Just Got REAL!

2009-12-26T08:45:00.000-08:00

Mr. Vintage Cowboy Boots threw me for a loop yesterday while he was driving home from Louisiana. I want to post the conversation because it was THAT interesting but I will to save it for my book. He wanted to talk about being scared and having reservations about being in a relationship because he didn't want to sacrifice his independence or his relationships with his friends. I was wondering why either of had to sacrifice anything? I told him that he was creating problems that didn't exist and he agreed. He apologized for being concerned but I told him there was no need to apologize. I don't ever want him to feel like I can't tell me what's on his heart. I spent a year in a relationshit where I couldn't say one word about being concerned or I was "breaking down". I refuse to treat someone else like I was treated for a year. It's funny that I think back to all the times that me and the ex talked about his "emotional superiority" and now I realize that he wasn't emotionally superior to anyone. He was cold and unemotional. Emotions are something that happen when you are growing as a person. You can't grow without being hurt, happy, sad, frustrated, humiliated, enraged, ecstatic, etc. Emotions are the launching pad for every human interaction. So no, he wasn't emotionally superior, he was emotionally inferior. He lacked maturity when it came to normal human interaction. I spent a year of my life thinking that the ex had it all figured out when in truth he really didn't. I'm pretty sure he lives a miserable existence. I couldn't imagine living without the love of someone else, or even being open to the love the someone else wants to give you. The truth is: People need people. That's how God designed us. We need human interaction and love. Don't ever let someone tell you that you shouldn't need people to live. That's bullshit. I believed it and I was miserable. As soon as the ex and I split I realized how much I was missing out on in life. Moral of the story: Treat people with respect and love. So, that's what I did. I was frustrated with my conversation with Mr. VCB but I put myself in his cowboy boots and treated him with the love and understanding he deserved.

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-25T07:06:00.001-08:00

PRESENTS!! <---I had to get that out.

I woke up yesterday with a wicked sinus infection and I MIGHT be dying. Everyone at work is sick so I am not surprised I feel bad. I have a sore throat and enough sinus pressure to blow up a submarine. To add insult to injury I woke up at 3:50 A.M. With cramps. I have no words.

Now that I am done complaining.

My parentals drove in for the Christmas holiday. I love when they are here! We had so much fun opening gifts!

Currently: My parents dogs are napping on the couch, I am writing, kitty is in my lap, dad is making breakfast and mom is making my favorite molasses cookies! I wish my siblings could be here :( maybe next year. I think we are going to Phoenix....I hate Phoenix but ima let it slide considering it's Christmas and all. :/

Update on Mr. VBC: He's still in Houston. We've had some good Blackberry Messenger conversations. I enjoy flirting with him via BBM. He called me the other night but I was beyond passed out and picked the phone up and promptly hung it up. Oops, sorry! He's been saying things like "I wish you were here" I don't really know how to respond. I have an emotional glass ceiling. I like/hate that about myself. Sometimes I feel like guys are looking for a more profound emotional response from me and they just don't get it. Emotionally speaking I'm doing okay with Mr. Vintage Cowboy Boots. He said he was ready to be back in Nashville and I responded with "I am ready for you to be back in Nashville" (<--- Emotional growth? I think SO!) I did good? Right? You can't push emotions. I have to say/do what I am comfortable with and if it's meant to be everything else will fall into place and come with time. If not, then we both walk out of this with our dignity still intact. If you aren't emotionally appropriate from the start then it's bound to fall apart. Most women want to be in love like, RIGHT NOW. I am not one of those women. I want things to progress as they are meant to. I'm comfortable.

Merry Christmas!!

Two Things That Suck.

2009-12-22T18:31:00.000-08:00

1) I work so much that I forget what it's like to have a normal social life.

2) I was invited by Mr. Vintage Cowboy Boots to attend a private Eagles concert on New Years Eve in Houston and can't go because of the previous statement.

Great.

Just. Great.

Feel sorry for me.

Another Day Another Doller!

2009-12-20T18:58:00.000-08:00

I worked all day...it was...work.

I am clearing out my DVR and cuddling with Luna.

Fruit and Almonds for dinner :)

I Miss Life Before Alarm Clocks

2009-12-20T06:08:00.000-08:00

I'm EXHAUSTED. I don't know if I've said that enough since Black Friday. It's quite possible that I've hit my breaking point. I'm working on an 11 day stretch at work. I'm on day 7 today...my feet want to detach themselves from my body and go rest by the ocean. (preferably one with clear water and a cabana boy named JUAN) Thankfully The day after Christmas I am going to get a mani/pedi with my momma. My feet will thank me. I am definitely going to get a massage and facial after this holiday season is over. AND...right after the new year my girlfriends and I are renting a cabin for the weekend. I am beyond excited to get out of Nashville for a few days and relax. I have been blessed with an amazing job so I really hate complaining. I just needed to vent.

With THAT being said...

Mr. VCB and I went on our 3rd date last night. His cousin came into town with her boyfriend. I really liked them. They are extremely nice people. I had a great time. We went to a sushi place here in Nashville. Obviously, I didn't eat sushi, I ordered stir fry, which I ate 4 bites of. I feel really terrible he paid $17 for a meal that was picked at. I owe him. I hate when my stomach gets weird. The friends that introduced us joined us for a drink and it was good to see them. I've yet to make up nicknames for them....You'll hear more about them later. They're a trip and possibly my favorite couple in Nashville.

We went back to his place after dinner and watched SNL, James Franco was hosting so I was in a James Franco haze for awhile and I felt bad for Mr. Vintage Cowboy Boots.

He kissed me again last night. I have to say, it was better the second time around. ;) Now he leaves for two weeks. He is going home for the holiday. Lucky him.

I think my lack of sleep and being over worked is taking a beating on my composition ability. Choppy post today. I apologize.

Baby It's Cold Outside.

2009-12-18T07:43:00.001-08:00

It's 39 degrees...and raining. What kind of cruel world is this!? A shift of a few degrees would give us those little white flurries that only grace us with their presence a few times a year! The weather man says it's suppose to snow tomorrow. We shall Mr. Fox News. We. Shall. See.

A Night Alone

2009-12-17T17:06:00.001-08:00

Mr. VCB invited me to the opening of a new bar in Nashville but I am completely exhausted and I declined. I had every intention of going until I got home and sat down. Never stop moving if you are running on fumes, it will literally screw you up. He text that he was sad I wasn't coming but understands. It's good to know he's understanding. That's new for me.

I get to spend the night alone. I require alone time. I love my alone time. It gives me time to recharge my battery. I am drained beyond belief and I think my cat is starting to resent me. I ate my left over chinese food and watched a few reruns of Californication.

Has anyone watched "Vampire Diaries"...there is marathon playing right now. I might watch it.

Double Header

2009-12-16T18:06:00.000-08:00

Mr. Vintage Cowboy Boots text me this morning pretty early to tell me he had a good time last night. I had a good time too. He tells me when he likes hanging out, what a concept. Most guys ignore you for 3 days after a date and then expect you to be free when they decide the want to take another shot at getting in your pants. It's a good change.

Date numero dos. (A Double Header!)

We had some interesting Blackberry Messenger conversation today and decided to go see some ice sculptures shaped like the Peanuts Gang tonight, but sadly they close at 8pm. Why do they close that early? Seriously disappointed. Plan B: Chinese take out and reruns of Nip/Tuck.

Date Numero Uno

2009-12-16T05:54:00.000-08:00

I don't have time to write a substantive post, as I got about 4 hours of sleep last night and I have to leave shortly. Last night was fun. Mr. Vintage Cowboy Boots was a perfect gentleman. We held hands a few times, nothing too couply. (<---not a word, but I think it should be) We kissed, and before you get all "ooh, you kissed on the first date" on me, hear me out. We have hung out several times we just didn't call them dates and me supporting the whole "Not Being A Whore" movement decided to call last night our first official date. Technically speaking that could of been labeled a 6th date. I mean, there was a venue change one night so that could be considered two dates, right? I know, snap out of it. Date numero uno was a success. More later. Work awaits.

Coffee, now.

10 Step Program.

2009-12-15T16:04:00.000-08:00

So I am by no means a hoochie mama, buuuuut we all have our moments, right? Rebounds, one night stands, mistakes, what's his name I met in Cabo...etc. I will not confirm any of the previous allegations nor will I deny any of them. With that being said, I've decided that I want to wait 10 dates before I decide to take the plunge with Mr. Vintage Cowboy Boots. <---my nickname for him. He doesn't know I call him that, but somehow I think he would be happier to go unnamed at this point. We've been each others +1's at a few Christmas parties and gone out in groups but I am not counting those as official dates. I am sure he is thrilled to be starting at square one. (rolls eyes) Crap, I am less than thrilled with waiting, but to quote Mr. Vintage Cowboy Boots "I totally understand...anticipation can be a good thing ;)" End quote. I guess I am lucky he has a supportive outlook on things. My girlfriends are cheering me on. I just got a facebook comment saying "be good", do you girls think I'm a ho?!!

Tonight is date numero uno. We are going to his company Christmas party. Wish me luck...

(takes a deep breath)

Pay off

2009-12-14T08:42:00.000-08:00

I just paid off the balance on one of my credit cards and it feels fantastic. I really wanted to buy a desk with that money. Oh well, I will settle for crossing my legs on my couch with my laptop literally on top of my lap :/ Maybe with all the money I save on interest I can buy a better desk. <---silver lining?

The beginning of my list.

2009-12-14T07:44:00.000-08:00

My list is not long. It's not even that interesting. But there is certain things I want to do before I am 28 and I am committed to achieving all of them. The most important is paying of my credit cards. Ouch. America is $972 billion dollars in debt on average. That's enough to wrap $1 bills 2.65 times around the earth. Double ouch. And the average debt per house old is over $8,000. Triple ouch. I am not willing to admit the amount of credit card debt I have without a few glasses of wine and at least one shot of tequila. This is the first goal I am going to start working on. I want to know what it's like to commit to saving money instead of spending it. I've heard it addicting. I am extremely skeptical.

My action plan requires some very tight budgeting on my behalf. These are the first two things I am going to commit to.

1) No more shopping. I am living on NO budget. If I want something I go get it. I don't look at price tags. I just SPEND. This has to stop. Lord, please grant me the strength.

2) No more eating out for every meal. This means more grocery shopping and cooking at home. I like to cook but I get lazy after a long day at work and I want to drive through the nearest fast food place, inhale my food, and then go to sleep. This is not only expensive, but unhealthy. Again, Lord grant me the strength.

Here's to becoming debt free! (takes a tequila shot)

Happy saving everyone!

Today is the day of the rest of my life....or something like that

2009-12-13T08:03:00.001-08:00

SOOOO. Today is the day I turn 27 years of age. I've decided this is a time for change. I haven't accomplished anything that I wanted to by the time I was 27. This is the year I put on my big girl panties and face my fears. I've wanted to do so many things but I've always been too fearful to step out of my comfort zone and work hard for what my heart desires. To some people my list of goals might be silly or seem immature, but to me it's important that I accomplish these things. I've had a tendency in my life to not follow through with things. I want that to change this year! I want to be a better daughter, sister, friend, lover, writer, employee, and human being. There is no better time than now! So, 27 is my year to become the woman I have always wanted to be. I am going to blog about every fear I face this year. Hopefully some will come along for the ride and see my transformation into a fearless woman!!