I'm Not A Quitter...But, I Quit

Please refer to Murphy's Law and Einstein's definition of insanity.

I'm A Bad Luck Woman I Can't See The Reason Why

I'm convinced bad luck follows me.

Seriously. My friend Jacob and I went fishing in Sedona and the only thing we managed to catch were 3 sticks and giant log. Jacob won.

He actually mentioned that he has never not caught anything in the spots we went to. The fish would come up to the surface and make a 360 around our lines but never actually bite. It got personal. Fast.

We also managed to leave my flask at home and we lost my sunglasses and his visor.

If you haven't been to Sedona in awhile you're really missing out. It's absolutely beautiful. However, someone decided it would be a good idea to line the entrance of Sedona with several roundabouts. I think maybe they thought it would make traffic better or they wanted to mess with everyone. My guess, it's the latter of the two. The roundabouts make your drive worse. Much worse. Every 20 feet we had to slow down and go round-a-bout. lol. Near the end of them we just started laughing our asses off. It was really ridiculous how many we had to go through.

We ate at the Red Planet Diner. If you haven't been, GO. It is this amazingly terrible little diner that is decorated in an outerspace/alien theme. Fantastic? YES! The food wasn't amazing and Jacob made me order a cheeseburger and fries. I washed it all down with a chocolate shake. Then I had an "out of this world" stomach ache. (pun intended) We both felt that the diner was the highlight of our trip.

Sedona is a mecca for hippies and spiritual awareness. We were really interested in going to a vortex but when we read what we should experience while in the vortex's we couldn't help but burst into laughter. Lets just put it this way...unless you actually believe in aliens the vortex is not for you :/ ...or us.

I had a great day with my sweet friend. He's always been there for me no matter what and I feel blessed to have him in my life. Everyone should have a friend like him. Thanks for a hilariously great day, Jacob :)

Stay Gorgeous,

Emily

Title: Song Lyrics To "I'm A Bad Luck Woman" by Emiliana Torrini.

It's A Cruel, Cruel Summer. (Or fall, Whatever)

Ok, so life is just flat out ridiculous right now.

My little sister is such an asshole.

Let me explain.

The bitch just gets out of a four and half year relationship and all of a sudden the hottest guy on planet earth professes his undying love for her. (did I mention he's a massage therapist?yeah...that's almost as awesome as dating a hair stylist)

WHAT.

THE.

SHIT!

Seriously. What is wrong with the world? Is my house not feng shuid enough or what? I swear. She better watch her back.

In all seriousness she definitely deserves to be happy. Her relationship with her ex was really over a year ago (if not longer) and she hung around because she felt she owed it to the relationship to try. I get that. I respect that. I hate her right now.

I date an emotionally unavailable guy for two years. I get randoms that like me for like 2 minutes, but never a guy who loves me that actually I love back. I swear I am so unlucky in love. I should really invest in some cats and knitting kit. I could probably make a lucrative career out of "Knitting Mittens For Cold Kittens"TM or something. Not like I'm doing anything else with my life. Nobody copy that idea, it's brilliant. You can expect and ESTY shop open within the year.

I don't get it. Really, it's cruel.

I'm happy for her but I hate her right now.

Stupid whore.

Next time you read this I am going to have a profile on Match.com and eharmony. I need to hit the online dating scene...and hit it hard. Hopefully I don't get raped and/or killed. I should really re-think that strategy. I will keep you posted.

Meanwhile, if you know anyone that has a cold kitten or an older brother that's divorced (or separated) let me know.

Stay Gorgeous,

Emily

Is it just me....?

Or does this model have a wicked camel toe?

Forever21....seriously???

Monday Monday, So Good To Me...

Good Morning, Gorgeous!!

It's Monday morning, and I'm not in a bad mood. As a rule, I am a morning person. However, Monday mornings, ew. They are in a category all their own. They fit somewhere between dental appointments and jury duty.

I hope everyone had an excellent Halloween! I know we did. We had an excellent time driving around to visit all of our friends at their fabulous parties. I did something completely unamerican and decided I didn't want to celebrate Slutoween this year. I'm fairly certain I am over it. All women retain a free pass to wear next to nothing and call it a costume on October 31st. I dared to try something different. My sister and I went as Sookie and Arlene from Trueblood. We looked fairly ridiculous. It was fantastic. Now I know why my stylist refuses to give me bangs. I'm convinced if I had gone trick or treating I would of been mistaken for a 12 year old. Not the best look for me. I had fun regardless. I got to hang with some ladies from high school I hadn't seen since we graduated. I was so elated to catch up with old friends. While we were catching up they played a game called Flip Cup in which I did not participate. Mainly because I was the designated driver. I must of been a terrible college student but I've never played this game nor have I witnessed this game in action. It's pretty amazing and I am certain I would be terrible at it. Hand-Eye coordination is not my forte'. Nor is chugging beer. I'm not a beer drinker. I like Irish whiskey and wine. The W drinks.

After the Halloween daze wore off my fabulous friend and I went to the State Fair (again) We had so much fun. We ate pretty much everything under the sun. Chili cheese dogs, a root beer slush, carmel apple, corn on the cob, orange fanta (spiked with rum from my friends flask, don't worry..we rode the ferris wheel just to empty the contents of the flask into the drink...no tiny humans were harmed in the process) chili cheese fries, chocolate covered bacon (I did not partake in the bacon, I've had it. Thoughts: Gross) fried butter and cheese curds dipped in nacho cheese. Our conclusion: When you start dipping fried cheese in nacho cheese it's time to throw in the towel. Unhealthy? Yes. Delicious? Absolutely. I start a rigorous work out routine today :/ We watched some seriously terrible ball room dancers, pet a cow which we were scolded for, clogged two toilets, took photo booth pictures, bought $30 sheets (which I'm certain I will regret), and played rigged fair games. I mean, really...those games set you up for failure. Someone should regulate that.

After the fair I went over to my brothers house to watch My Bloody Valentine in 3D and pass out candy to the tiny humans and their keepers. We were the cool house to go to because my brother purchased all king sized candies. I remember when I was nugget, word spread fast about which house had the good candy. We were that house last night. It felt great. Iron Man said we were awesome. So did the skeleton child. I agree with them. We are awesome.

All in all. a great weekend. I hope you all had a great weekend too! Here's to an excellent November!! *raises glass*

Stay Gorgeous ;)

Demo Me, Baby.

I did something utterly redneck-ish and attended the demolition derby last Saturday.

I'm giving you a moment to be shocked.

Done?

Moving on.

Now, let me just get this out of the way early. IT. WAS. AWESOME.

...you may take another moment to contain your laughter.

Seriously, you guys. If you've never had to opportunity to watch the demolition derby live you must put it on your bucket list. Never in my life would I have considered this hobby as a form of entertainment. My favorite part is before the derby even began and this guy couldn't get his car started so he couldn't participate in the next "heat", "leg", "quarter" Frick, I don't know what they call it. Back to my story, in true redneck fashion he made a huge scene and threw his hat on the ground and kicked it with his dusty work boots. He threw his hands up in the air and blurted out a string of redneck-ish cuss words I don't dare repeat because my momma would kill me. I am lady after all ;) I mean, I feel for the guy but damn. Have some dignity. Poor loser? I'm unsure of the code of conduct for such an event. I mean, when you have a bunch of guys crashing into each other calling it a sport, I doubt an actual code of conduct exists. It should, but it's highly unlikely.

I feel like I need to end this post with a "Get er done!"

Stay gorgeous ;)

Em ♥

Well The Day Is Gone And I'm Moving On...

....from the endless lessons that teach me to keep strong

Those lyrics resinate in my mind every time I feel defeated or I want to give up. Lets face it, life is anything but easy. I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth and I know that the only thing that is going to get me where I want to be is blood, sweat, and martinis...errr wait, I meant tears. I think.

When I came to the conclusion that I needed to be the change that catapulted my life into a more positive place I knew it wasn't going to be easy. But, (can you technically start a sentence with a "but"? ) BUT, I held fast to the principle that I possess the keys to my future. I control how successful I am. Nobody can tell me that I won't be wildly amazing. Because, I am amazing. Seriously, you are too. Even on days when I want to empty the whiskey bottle and feel like the biggest failure on planet earth I have to tell myself "Emily, you're an amazing woman that can accomplish anything you set your mind to. Don't let them get you down. Oh, and you have a great ass" Imagine me staring at myself in the mirror saying this as my roommate walks by. lol. Whatever, I'm not proud. Or am I? I don't know.

My point is. Be the change you want to see in yourself first. Once you have yourself figured out everything else just starts to fall into place. And seriously, give yourself pep talks. I do, all the time. It works.

Stay gorgeous ;)

Em ♥